My experience of a romance scam

At this stage, I don't wish to name and shame.

Hello, another victim here. I have read so much about this since I realised I had become a victim and my tale of woe is so similar to the thousands of others who all fell for the same tricks. It is time to share and get advice about what to do next. I know I am never going to retrieve my money but I would be interested to hear about best courses of action to stop my scammer from doing this again and bringing her to justice. I have seen various places in the USA which help deal with these things but I am not a US citizen, there doesn't seem to be much help available in Europe.

Yes, I said her. I'm a guy who got stung. Although I suspect the architect behind her scam was her boyfriend. So I 'befriended' this young, beautiful Eastern European (no prizes for guessing where it is most rife) lady, correction, whore, on an adult webcam site where she sold her body for money. My tale of woe follows the usual traits, she gave me her address far too quickly, became friends on FB, and then slowly week by week, increasing all the time, invented various tales of sorrow and poverty which coaxed me out of about 3000 Euros. Of course, in return I got her undying love all day every day and eventually her promise to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me. The emotional blackmail of not supporting her needs in return for her affections wasn't something I could contemplate, so of course, I coughed up the money.

Of course, all of this was a lie, everything was lies, all her made up stories of things she needed money for, all the usual traits were there, internet fees, tuition fees, rent for a new flat after she dumped her boyfriend, (which of course she didn't), lost phone, etc etc. Phony pictures of her in her 'new flat' which was probably her best friend's flat, who also turned out to be in on the scam. The next thing would have been an engagement ring, which no doubt she would 'lose' in a few weeks and need a replacement for. Luckily, it never got this far.

But it isn't losing the money that bothers me, it's the emotional distress and harm she has done to me by telling me she dumped her b/f and loved me more than anyone, wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and get married and telling me this every day for 6 months, while all along, her and her b/f were probably laughing behind my back while I unloaded my heart and soul to her and emptied my wallet along the way.

How anyone so young can be so evil, callous and calculating is beyond comprehension, but the damage she caused me mentally and emotionally is probably irrepairable. I caught her out by snooping around after I became suspicious with several stories just not adding up and found photos that I wasn't supposed to see which confirmed that she had never left her b/f.

Unlike anonymous scammers posing behind fake pictures, my girl was real. I saw her online on her webcam and she would regularly send me (clean) pictures and videos of herself. Although I suspect half of the messages I received came from her b/f having a laugh at me. I know her address and phone number she gave me were genuine, she recieved my gifts, I saw the photos and we spoke on the phone.

My question is this. What can I do next? I have reported her to her webcam site, and the police fraud departments for money extortion in both my country and hers. From what I have read on the internet, nothing will come from this. Most people have told me to cut my losses and forget it and move on, but something is telling me that I should at least do something. I don't mean anything nasty or evil, but just something to stop her or at least bring her to justice. Any thoughts please? I do have some 'interesting' photos and videos she sent me that I could send to her mother's FB, that thought did occur to me, although I wonder if that may be more damaging to me than her. It wouldn't surprise me if her mother knew her daughter was a whore, a liar and a cheat.

sorry to hear, Schmetterling, that you got scammed

Most people have told me to cut my losses and forget it and move on

that's correct what you were already tol, as nothing would come out of this
you won't get back your money, try the best to get over the emotional shock

you wrote

her mother's FB

I doubt whether this is really her mother's profile
could be the scammer him/herself
generally made up to ease the victim and to render his/her story more plausible

I'm pretty sure her mother's FB is genuine because it has pictures of my scammer's sister on it and I know she is real because I have seen a video of the two of them together.

can you post an email address and some pics?

I can but I'm not sure what good that would do. It wouldn't surprise me if she and her b/f read all the scamming forums and if I reveal who she is, there may be repercussions.

Edited!

Most people have told me to cut my losses and forget it and move on, but something is telling me that I should at least do something. I don't mean anything nasty or evil, but just something to stop her or at least bring her to justice. Any thoughts please?

My advice is to expose her. This will require you to post the emails and email headers sent to you. You will need to remove your personal information from them. Post all her/his details. Including all names, phone numbers and email addresses used.

You will not get your money back but you will help others.

You can report this to Action Fraud.>> http://www.actionfraud.police.uk/

You could have also been communicating with a pro-dater.

Most people have told me to cut my losses and forget it and move on, but something is telling me that I should at least do something. I don't mean anything nasty or evil, but just something to stop her or at least bring her to justice. Any thoughts please?

My advice is to expose her. This will require you to post the emails and email headers sent to you. You will need to remove your personal information from them. Post all her/his details. Including all names, phone numbers and email addresses used.

You will not get your money back but you will help others.

You can report this to Action Fraud.>> http://www.actionfraud.police.uk/

You could have also been communicating with a pro-dater.

Thanks Bryon. I have already reported it to Action Fraud. All of our exchanges were done on Facebook. I have 15000 messages over the last 5 or 6 months, numerous photos and some videos. I know her mother's name, her sister's name, her brother's name, her boyfriend's name, her addresses, email, bank account number, paypal address, phone numbers, everything. All were genuine because I have the evidence that they were, gifts received, calls made, etc. I just fear that exposing her will lead to repercussions as I do not trust her boyfriend one bit. I am convinced he is manipulating her and orchestrating this whole scam, and as they are Eastern European and criminally minded, I fear for my safety if I expose her because they will know it is me.

What more can we help you with?

Have you met this girl in person? Face to face?

How do you know for a fact that you have real information on this scammer?

Scammers we typically deal with do not use real information.

Is this a cam site girl??

What more can we help you with?

Have you met this girl in person? Face to face?

How do you know for a fact that you have real information on this scammer?

Scammers we typically deal with do not use real information.

Is this a cam site girl??

I've got flights booked for the end of March to visit her.
I don't know anything for a fact, I don't know what to believe anymore. I just had an email from her.
All info she has given me seems to be real. Yes, she is on a cam girl site.
My 'girl' has just emailed me asking why I blocked her on FB. She says I have got everything wrong, her b/f has a new g/f now and that pics of her cuddling up with him a few days ago were innocent, just good friends. She called me jealous and controlling but what am I to believe any more? She says she is young and on her own, she will need her rent in 4 days time, that will be the next thing she asks me for.
But she has had loads of money from me for all sorts of bills and fees, it all seems like a scam. I amso confused now. She told me she left her b/f 2 months ago and moved into a new flat. She said she can be friends with whoever she wants and go out with whoever she wants, so why is she still going out with her b/f and claiming to be just good friends? Are these more lies to get this month's rent out of me?

What more can we help you with?

Have you met this girl in person? Face to face?

How do you know for a fact that you have real information on this scammer?

Scammers we typically deal with do not use real information.

Is this a cam site girl??

wow, one out of four or five questions actually got answered... Possibly 2 if we are to translate .... " i have a flight booked... into " NO, I have not met her in person and f2f yet". Which is apparently the truth.

Schmetterling, let me tell you this and maybe it will help you decide things. We are not paid psychologists or psychiatrists here. We are volunteers that try to help others for various reasons of our own.

In reading your posts this is what I see ( in short). First of all, there are few if any facts ( facts are not opinions). Then you refuse to post any emails or identifying information about this "supposed" girl.

The one fact you did post is that "she" is a cam girl. The fact is these girls are what I call "tips and commissions" workers. Very much like wait staff in a restaurant, or a taxi driver the better the PR they can put out, the better their income is. The fact is most of these workers will do darn near anything to increase their payroll. Not to mention the fact that many of them have what I would call a very "loose moral compass" to start with, just due to the nature of their work. This is what Bryon called a "Pro Dater", as opposed to an outright scammer.

If you have sent money to "her", it is gone forever, especially if it was sent through wire or bank transfer. After you decide to rid yourself of these nagging "feelings", you can move on with your life.

There is no guarantee you will ever meet this "girl" in person, in fact the chances are much better that you will arrive in a foreign land and get left at the airport ( or your hotel) with no way of actually locating "her". The worst that can happen is that "She" and/or some accomplices or some other criminals rob you blind after your arrival, or possibly kill you. Do some research on that idea, there are plenty of news articles on this site about similar situations. And your favorite search engine will also produce a massive amount of results searching for "internet love" "travel" "crime" . You can even add in the country "she" is supposedly in for more restrictive results. I just got 3300+ results using the search string I suggested.

edit to add: if "she" is from Mari-El then there is no doubt you are dealing with a pro dater. There are other areas of the eastern block that are just as likely, but since you refuse to mention a city / country she is in, we are left to guess. Guessing is not a good thing, we try to help based on facts. only facts are important here.

If you are worried that you will post info and it turns out to be that she is not a scammer, don't worry, that information will be deleted. We don't falsely accuse people here. We have a reputation to uphold. A pro dater is not considered a scammer, and I'm reasonably sure we don't deal with them here, either. Bryon or one of the other staff here can confirm that thought or not.

I know she is in Iasi, Romania. I have sent her gifts there and she has sent me pictures back with them. So no, not f2f yet, but it is planned for next month. My accommodation is her apartment.
What real information is needed? I have all her personal details, address, phone, bank account number, paypal address which I used, (she tried Western Union to start with but I refused) email address, b/f's name and address, everything. I send her flowers via a florist there, she sends me pics back when she gets them. All I know is that my pattern followed typical patterns of slowly gaining my trust and easing larger and larger amounts of money out of me over the months. Is that a scam or not? She is 21, I don't know if she is experienced enough to be a pro-dater. She has been with her b/f for nearly 2 years now, I have seen the pics on her facebook. Maybe she isn't a scammer or a pro-dater and it's just coincidence that she needs money which I send.
I notice you use speech marks a lot. I have seen her on her webcam and she sends me pictures and videos of herself frequently, clean ones I might add! How more real do you want her to be? I've spoken to her on the phone. Her voice is the same as the girl on the webcam. Her mum's FB has pics of her. I will do the research you suggested....edit, I didn't find anything.

I know she is in Iasi, Romania. I have sent her gifts there and she has sent me pictures back with them.

While that may be a fair assumption, there is no guarantee that the delivery got to her the first time they tried to deliver it. Delivery companies here will often leave a note if someone is not there telling them to call and pick up the order. If she used a friend's house or vacant property, you do not know her address.

My accommodation is her apartment.

Think about your own safety, not to mention her privacy. What if she is a serial killer? what if she is in a criminal gang that preys on foreigners??? You have never met her, do you speak or understand her native language? I have to assume her English is a 2nd language for her.

What real information is needed?

can you post an email address and some pics?

My advice is to expose her. This will require you to post the emails and email headers sent to you. You will need to remove your personal information from them. Post all her/his details. Including all names, phone numbers and email addresses used.

The info Malu and Bryon asked for is sufficient for us to start with. NOT porn pictures, we are a family friendly site.

I have all her personal details, address, phone, bank account number, paypal address which I used, email address, b/f's name and address, everything. I send her flowers via a florist there, she sends me pics back when she gets them. All I know is that my pattern followed typical patterns of slowly gaining my trust and easing larger and larger amounts of money out of me over the months. Is that a scam or not?

No, it isn't a scam unless she is offering something to you that does not exist. You refuse to post emails or anything of hers promising you something, so there is no way we can call it a scam. At this point is sounds like very poor judgment on your part. And out of curiosity, why are you even considering going to visit and stay with a girl that you say has a boyfriend?? that sounds highly suspect all by itself to me.

If you are willingly forking over your hard earned money to an adult with no loan terms involved, that is a choice you make. Across international borders is why it is now impossible for you to recoup anything you have sent.

She is 21, I don't know if she is experienced enough to be a pro-dater. She has been with her b/f for nearly 2 years now, I have seen the pics on her facebook. Maybe she isn't a scammer or a pro-dater and it's just coincidence that she needs money which I send.

Yeah, sure.... coincidence!!!! Do you honestly think if you walked out on the street with money in hand and a sign that said " you don't have to work hard for this money" that you would keep the money long?? Chances are good most girls have all they need to be a "pro dater" long before they reach age 18, let alone 21 and have internet access. Maybe she isn't a pro dater or a scammer, this is true. You were the one that came to this site with a question in your mind, not us. We are the ones that are capable of doing research for you, if you provide what we ask for from you. You are the one that claims you reported it to Action Fraud, not us. There must have been a reason for that, ya think??

By the way, out of curiosity, are you in her age range?? if not, how old are you?? and again you mention the 2 year b/f thing. That is very important to you, so why do you have your goal set at staying with a girl that has a b/f of 2 years??

Anyone can have a f/b page.... there is no need to have gov't or any other ID in order to set one up, or for that matter one email address can = one f/b page so 12 addresses can = 12 f/b pages. All one person playing 12 different roles in a game. yes, it is possible. Yes, it is known to happen regularly in scams.

I notice you use speech marks a lot. I have seen her on her webcam and she sends me pictures and videos of herself frequently, clean ones I might add! How more real do you want her to be? I've spoken to her on the phone. Her voice is the same as the girl on the webcam. Her mum's FB has pics of her. I will do the research you suggested.

yes, I do use quotes a lot. Being in the anti scam world I have learned that things are not always what they seem, and often times the women used in scams are nothing more than victims themselves being paid as actors. Whether they are willing victims and participants is not always clear. I believe it also helps the potential victim / victim realize that they do not really know what they are dealing with. At least that is the goal for the quotes around "she" and "her".... other times I do it just so the reader realizes those words belong together as a group. As in the case of "pro dater" used above.