Know it's a romance scam, but what about the money

For what I gave out of the goodness of my heart in wanting to help and in believing, I could have single-handedly funded one well in Sierra Leone that would have provided clean drinking water to 70,000 people who desperately need it. Instead I funded God only knows what in another part of Africa, evil at it's greatest. It's not so much the issue of the money as it is where the money ends up.

It's going to take a long, long time to get by this and it's probably best I stop digging, because I keep uncovering things and there's no sense in that. I know what it is, I don't need any more convincing.

Hi raven 018, I feel your pain. I am reading through your posts and understand deeply how you feel. I too gave money to my scammer and I still feel remorse over it. I could have given it to my kids and done some nice things for them instead. I was convinced my scammer was going to come home to me, the money would come back, and we together could do even better things. You must remember, you dealt with a professional liar and the whole purpose was to make you believe him and give him money. It is his whole life, his whole purpose, to make you believe in his love and make you give him money.
I also understand feeling just so ashamed, mad, like a fool who should have known better. But we reallly didn't know better. My scammer didn't follow the pattern, so I totally believed him. I totally fell for him because I wanted so badly to believe he was real, he was the real thing. It is hard to let that go, the thoughts, the pictures, the ideals you mind had already formed over the promises he made to you. It is ok. I know. Give yourself time to heal. Transition back to knowing that what you thought isn't real. And you deserve something real, someone who is not just trying to steal your money.

Thank you Smith Jones. That's it exactly. I'm still at a point I scour every nook and cranny I can find, trying to find the similarities and there are so few. Sure, in retrospect his story doesn't make sense, but when we want to believe our hearts tell us things loudly that our heads would know better. It's that simple and that complex. I am trying to get to the point where I share everything anywhere I can post it. And mainly because there are enough differences in this story that it is vital to do so before something close to it gets out to someone else.

There are moments when I feel just fine and then it just hits me again and I know I'm not ok. It will take time. I have submitted a complaint to the iC3, that seemed like a good first step and felt good to hit the submit button.

I'm having a harder time posting it all here and at some of the other sites/forums like this. For then it's public, which of course is the objective, but also what I seem to be having the most difficulty doing.

Raven018, you should only share what you want to share. What you have already shared will help others and you should feel good about that. I am very open about what happened to me because it helps but I didn't get there all at one time. It stays very raw for a long time and there are times even now where I have something to remind me. I went through something about a month ago where I usually feel lonely in the spring and it reminded me that it was then last year that I sought out online dating. i cry sometimes, even after everything I know, just because I need to own how I felt and how I feel now. Some people tell you to just get over it and be done. I say don't wallow in it but learn from it. Don't share what you don't want to and tell your story to those who will appreciate it. I'm open here but very few people in my real life know. And that's ok, See, I know even you can understand me better than some of my friends just because it's not something others really know. It's the value of this site and I'm glad you came here.

Again, thank you Smith Jones. It's true places like this and the people in them more can understand and that is a sources of comfort.

I know this will take time and my guess is as I journey it, I'll feel as though I can share more.

As to those around me? Well, I can't imagine telling my sister, she'd tell me how dumb I was and if not, how she knows she'd never be caught up like I was...she too uses online dating. I have a best friend who I did tell and who so understood and didn't judge...my only regret was not telling her while going through it. She knew I was starting to see someone and that he had to go overseas and I was waiting for him to come back. But all the rest, no, not a word. Of course there was a part of me who knew that she'd been dead set against me helping this guy financially. That's the part that's hard to get by...the somewhere where I knew that I shouldn't, but went ahead and chose to take the chance cause I so much wanted to believe it was true. That all of this was true and going to happen. It's the part I struggle with the most.