Help...I don't know what else to do

Around October of 2010 my mom started chatting with a man she met on Match.com. We didn't think much of it until we started seeing how involved my mom seemed. Especially with someone she has never met. She was constantly texting this man and on the internet with him. Her best friend tried to warn her that this was a scam and even showed my mom a letter she received that was identical from one my mom received from the same man. My mom dismissed it because she believed in this guy. She thinks they are getting married.
He said he was working in London as a civil engineer on a soccer field. He was transferring his contract payment to my moms account and a stop was put on it. My mom has sent him money in the meantime. A LOT. He promised to come visit her, and every time a dramatic situation occurred preventing him from coming. THEN he was in an accident. He was flown to Dublin where my mom went last week. He was flown to Paris for "emergency surgery" and now he doesn't want my mom to see him because there was damage to his face. We thought by my mom going there, she would realize this isn't real. But it's worse. She thinks he is going to Canada with his sister and she will be going there to get him in a few weeks. In the meantime she is taking care of his finances. She has never met him, his sister or his attorney that she also talks to frequently.

What can I do to convince her this is a scam. She has turned on family and friends that try to talk to her and I'm afraid she will turn completely against us, spend all of her money, and eventually kill herself from humiliation. She seems very emotionally unstable. HELP!

Welcome, disbelief--though I am sorry to hear what has brought you here. Unfortunately, you are not the first family who has faced this same situation. It is definitely a difficult one, because she wants to believe in him so much, and he is undoubtedly doing everything he can to isolate her from anyone who might get in his way.

First of all, as you have already learned, telling her she is wrong is not going to convince her. As a general rule, neither is trying to point out the flaws in his story.

But it's not time to give up--there are still some approaches that will work.
First of all, sometimes it helps if you try a different angle. Don't try to convince her she is wrong--instead, take the approach that you want to understand, and she can help to show you that he is real. You may be able to get her to sit with you and go through their history--and in the process subtly highlight the inconsistencies in his story. If you can sit with her and check his IP from the headers of one of his emails, you may be able to show his true location (most likely Africa).

You can also give us this scammer's info, and we can check it out and send an email warning to her. In some cases, we can set up to bait the scammer, to show he is using the same scripts on other women. We can arrange a phone warning if it makes sense.

Depending on how deeply she is enmeshed, sometimes talking to local law enforcement will help--many local law enforcement agencies are willing to talk to someone who is being scammed, to reinforce the truth.

Ultimately, you know your mother best, and you need to use that knowledge to decide what approach will be safest. If absolutely necessary, you can discuss a family "intervention."

Hi, I know exactly how you feel! very frustraing! i am currently having the same problem with my mum. Last year she tried to kill herself as she had got a loan from the provident company with 2000% interest to send to her 'new love' Patrick, in Ghana! of course, he did not show up in Britain, like she thought he would, she then applied for another loan and continued to fall for all of his lies, hospitalised, busy at church, box at an airport, she worked hard to send him as much money as possible.... cutting off her family on the way.. She now thinks he will be with her next week! I am left waiting to see what i will be faced with when he does not turn up again! She has never seen a photo or spoken to him on the phone, she is very lonely and desperate... I need help! I have the names of the men involved and addresses, and details from money sent via western union but dont know who to go to or where to get help????

Welcome here barneyboo12.

It sounds like your mother is into it very deep, and that makes it even harder to get her off of this scam! Has she shut you off completely, or can you still communicate with her? If she is willing to listen to you, then ask her to visit this forum, and read all the relevant information. Also, if you have the name and e mail addresses of the scammer, try and find other scam warnings with google. Is this scammer already posted here on scamwarners? If so, show it to her. She needs to snap out of her believe that this man is real.

Thank you David, Im afraid she wont listen to a thing anyone says to help... I do have names, but im not sure where to check if he/they are on here already?? anything that is said to help her, she immediately tells the scammer about it and he gives her a quick excuse and she believes it! I have been told that she has even had a phone call for Inspector Paul Quaye of Ghana police, she told the scammer but he just said she shouldnt trust him as he will be corrupt and trying to get money from her!

I'd be surprised if the Ghana police contacted her. Scammers like to pose as law enforcement when it helps them in their scams, so that is the more likely explanation.

If you would like, you can forward all of the info you have to my email address below, and I will start by seeing what info is out there. Please read my answer to disbelief, as the same applies to you too.

oh... I have researched the name of the officer that is supposed to have rang her, it is Paul Quaye. He is supposed to be quite high up in the fraud department, there is an email address for him, would i be wasting my time to mail him? do you think the scammer has pretended just to back up their story?
Im new to this site, and i am wondering what your connection with the site is? and how can i check for the names of the scammers?
thanks.

Have you thoroughly checked to confirm that email address is actually connected to the police department? I will tell you that in over 90% of these situations, the so-called law enforcement officer is the scammer or an accomplice. If it is the scammer, you will only be providing him with more information that he will try to use to help him in scamming.

I am a moderator here, and I particularly despise romance scammers, so I spend quite a bit of time helping people to sort out (and hopefully get away from) romance scams. Unfortunately, the deeper they are in, the more desperate they are to believe the scammer, and the more likely they will accept some story that seems unbelievable to others.

I'm also in the process of updating the informational topics, but you can see some information that may help here: http://scamwarners.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=3607

Thanks, i have checked out the link that you suggested, her scammer definately fits all of the criteria listed... now what?? i really dont know what to do next, she is still sending money... He will carry this on for every last penny.. she has no money just debt. it is very sad, but i cant see what else i can do? i think you are right about the inspecter! i think it was the scammers!