Is this a dating scam? please help?

I received an email on Yahoo Answers, from a new user. It was kind of a short but mean message and he'd sent it to a few of contacts too, calling us all "bitches." I blocked him straight away and told him he was blocked and reported to Yahoo.

He bypassed the block and emailed me back, saying he was sorry, he thought I was a bit of a cow but then realised I wasn't really...he said he'd had a crush on me for a while, working up the nerve to contact me, and had been looking at my profile and Q/As. He said he was good with computers which is why he could bypass the block.
I just said, ok whatever, I can't stop you from messaging me can I - he replied saying he wouldn't contact me again if I didn't want him to, but that he'd recently been hurt in a bad relationship and wanted someone to talk to, apparently I reminded him of his ex and he has a crush on me.

We started chatting, he kep saying his feelings for me are growing, I added him on Facebook and his pictures are all very very handsome, they look like modelling shots. I asked him about it and he said he'd done the odd spot of modelling. He said he lives in the US and has a good career in IT and his job takes him a lot of places and meets a lot of people.

He keeps saying he likes me a lot, wants to be with me - he even sent me a song on Youtube which he has "dedicated" to me. I've just come out of a bad relationship too and we've been chatting about it.

My feelings are growing but we've only been chatting for 2 weeks....and I've read horror stories about these "dating scams" in Nigeria, Ghana etc - how do I know if he's legit or not?

He hasn't asked me for money, and there's no way I'd send him any - but I just don't know what to feel, how to ask him, (he wouldn't exactly admit it anyway, would he?) or even to believe if the guy in the pictures is really him.

Any advice?

I have, unfortunately, seen this method. In my own inbox. I simply deleted the email and blocked the user and received no further reply. Interesting that it seems this person cast a wide net.

I would like to see an email header to analyse. Is there any way you could get a header from a recent email? Be on your guard. Be wary of requests for money. Exactly as you said, it has only been two weeks. Your only experience with this person is through chat. It would be very telling if we could nail down details.

Hi
How do I send you an email? I'm new to this site and it wouldn't let me send a message for some reason.

My message was simply to ask, how do I provide a heading from one of his emails? Sorry for being so dumb, I'm not brilliant with computers etc...

Many thanks

Hello Sparrow28!

What kind of email address do you have?

Hiya

I have a yahoo.co.uk email address and also a hotmail address

Ok very easy in yahoo.

Right click on the message then select "View Full Header"



Another window will pop up that looks like this. Skip the first couple lines which is your information and copy and paste the rest her. Scan the rest of the header and take out your email address if anywhere else.



Should end up with something like this.

Return-Path: <[email protected]>
Received-SPF: softfail (mta1076.mail.sp2.yahoo.com: domain of transitioning [email protected] does not designate 121.101.151.213 as permitted sender)
Authentication-Results: mta1076.mail.sp2.yahoo.com from=yahoo.co.jp; domainkeys=neutral (no sig); from=yahoo.com; dkim=pass (ok)
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Date: Mon, 16 May 2011 01:09:03 +0530 (IST)
From: Miss Marika Michael <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]
Subject: From: Miss Marika Michael !!
To: undisclosed recipients: ;
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="0-1922402404-1305488343=:2387"
Content-Length: 6740

Thanks!

Here it is. I have deleted my name and email address.

Return-Path: <xx>
Received-SPF: none (mta1003.mail.ird.yahoo.com: domain of xx does not designate permitted sender hosts)
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Note: I have removed his email for now. Since you are his only friend on facebook, it leads straight back to you. If you determine he is a scammer, then we can reinstate his address after you remove yourself as a friend. Dotti

I also forgot to mention this: He told me he owns a flat in the UK in "east London." I asked him where - he replied it was "Quigney, East London."
When I googled it, all that comes up is a town in Africa??! Can someone help me out because I'm confused and very wary!!

Received: from [98.138.90.52] by nm8.bullet.mail.ne1.yahoo.com with NNFMP;

This means the location will be unreliable. NNFMP is frequently associated with scammers and spammers, but not always.

I've sort of stayed out of this thread because I have been hesitant to voice personal opinions here, but I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway.

Personally if some guy sends me (and other women) nasty emails, calls me a bitch, then disrespects my wishes and invades my privacy after doing this, I'm not going to have anything to do with him, as he obviously has issues (the very fact that he feels the need to send a mass mail like that to women suggests a bad attitude toward women at a minimum). The rest of the scenario you describe only reinforces that initial concern (and I'm being nice here.) There are also several things that do suggest liar or scammer, and some implausible elements to the story.

If he is the one who posted the yahoo question today, then it appears that this is a very complicated personal situation, and one that goes far beyond the whole scammer question.

I am assuming that you are not planning to drop this person, and am therefore limiting myself to general advice/questions on ways one can verify whether they are dealing a real person. I am not in any way suggesting that it is a good idea to stay in this situation.

1) Obviously the easiest way to verify he is who he says he is would be meeting in a neutral, public, safe location.
2)If he lives in the US, you can send him something by postal mail, and verify that he actually receives it. If you want to be very certain, send him a t-shirt or something, and ask him to send you a photo of him wearing it.
3) Ask him to go on webcam (though webcam can be faked, if he refuses you know something is up)
4) Do an internet search on him - if he claims to own property, look him up on the property register. Check white pages, etc. You might even want to consider one of the "deeper" searches that cost a few dollars.
5) Engage him in conversation about where he lives, what he does-on the phone is better than in chat, where he can delay his answers while searching for info. Confirm that he really is familiar with the location, the terms, etc.

Thank you you've been amazing.

I am being very very, careful - and trying not to let my heart over rule my head. The first sign of asking for money or asking about my financial situation then I'll know straight away what he is.

I still really want these questions answered - why did he tell me he had a flat in "Quigney, East London" (referring to the UK) when the only "Quigney, East London" is located in Africa????

Why is he professing so much love and adoration for me after 2 weeks??

Why did he send me a nasty email and then backtrack and profess to have feelings for me?? Is that how a scammer operates??

Confused.......

I still really want these questions answered - why did he tell me he had a flat in "Quigney, East London" (referring to the UK) when the only "Quigney, East London" is located in Africa????

At a guess, he's seen the name "Quigney, East London" somewhere and the only London he had heard of is the one in the UK. As he lied about having a flat there you have to assume that everything else he's told you is false.

Why is he professing so much love and adoration for me after 2 weeks??

Sparrow28,

This is a tactic of someone who is up to no good. A few emails and now eternal love? Your desire is overwhelming your head and that is why you came here, you know something is not right. I am concerned you are falling for it.

Why did he send me a nasty email and then backtrack and profess to have feelings for me?? Is that how a scammer operates??

It is how abusive relationships often start. You think you can change him and bring out the good.

Think about it this way, if you were walking down the street or in a restaurant and someone came up to you and said those things, would you invite them to have dinner with you? I know I would not.

Some times this is a way to get a person's attention. I have NEVER seen a good relationship come from abusive beginnings. It is something a 9 year old boy might try.

I will bet if you post some of the things he has "written" to you we will find they are words taken from websites and not from his mind or heart. As Dotti said, this person is hiding something. Do you want to spend your time and energy on someone who is abusive and hiding something?

Confused.......

And this is how abusers and scammers like their victims to be... confused.

I have posted a few paragraphs from the last email he sent me (my name and personal info removed)


"I really am starting to believe that I am in love with you. I know how that sounds, I know how it seems, but I also know that you understand what I'm talking about. I believe in Soul Mates and what I feel towards you is strong and is more than lust, infactuation or desire. I care about your happiness, your well being, your safety, what's best for you, even if that means that I'm not best for you, if it means happiness for you in the long run, I'm okay with that, because I love you *****.

It doesn't matter if you feel the same, that's how I feel about you and I have had some time to think about it. I'm in love with you.

I can't say for sure whether or not we'd ever be together until you and I spend real time together...but I know I'm in love with you. Love is a powerful thing and I'm not going to lie to myself about how I feel when it comes to you. I love you. I'm sorry *****, I know it doesn't help, I know it only makes matters more difficult, I'm sorry for how I feel but I'm not sorry for why I feel the way I do about you."

Hi Sparrow,
I googled some of the sentences - no hits.
That doesn't prove he is not a scammer, he might just be more intelligent than the average.

Either way, his approach is insidious:

Right at the start, he showed you how brutal he can get when he is thwarted in love. Then he showed you his "nice" side. That is to make sure that you do everything possible to keep him "nice".

This could either be
- a scammer's tactic to make you pay without thinking when he starts asking for money
- or it could be the tactic of a man with serious psychological issues; see Bubble's post above.

In both cases, it is not a person to get emotionally involved with.