by BCDC
Mon Jul 01, 2013 3:24 pm
Everyone,
First, thank you for taking the time to read and hopefully assist in our challenge. I thank the heavens for this site, and the wonderful community you've built.
Background: My M-I-L had a stroke @2 years ago. it left her paralyzed on 1 side of her body, but she regained some ability to move her left leg and is able to walk a little with a cane. She is single, alone except her cat, and on Medicaid. The biggest issue she has when it comes to online dating is that she is especially vulnerable, IMHO, because she sustained brain damage during her stroke that impaired her ability to judge a situation and she has become very impulsive. She is about to turn 61, but emotionally - since the stroke - I would compare her to a 14-15 year old, and she is very headstrong and opinionated.
Scam: I've read some of their emails. I have a sharp eye for grammar and have found inconsistencies. Some of his emails are flowering and perfect (scripts, I think) and some of the more "customized" content, tailored from their conversations, have very poor grammar. I mean, in one of the "scripts", the dude didn't even enter her NAME! It was something like, "Hello , It's great to hear from..." - sloppy much?? Also, he doesn’t use her name, just a general term of endearment, which I’ve read is not promising. I took some of the more perfect scripts and Googled them and they came up positive for a scam. I'll attach more info but I'm pretty sure we’re looking at a scam.
His name: Richard Thompson
Email: [email protected]
Background: The usual. He lives in LA, is a general contractor and won a bid to go build something in Italy. He's over there now. He's done well for himself and plans on retiring when he gets back. He has a daughter named Benedicta who is 9-10 yo. He has nice cars (Bentley, Camaro, Cadillac) and has sent photos of himself with one, as well as his daughter who is a beautiful blonde child in a white flowery dress in front of a pro background. THAT picture is a child model photo if I've ever seen one! I’ve gotten some hits with her name on some scams too, child about the same age. Dog that looks like the one on the dog food cans. Sigh.
Current: They email back and forth constantly, and have started talking on the phone daily as well. He can't wait to come meet her and is referring to her as his future wife and he wants to take care of her forever. When my husband (her son) presses her about it, she reels with defensiveness and refuses to even consider that it’s a scam because she’s “not stupid!” and cited the fact that he knows she doesn’t have money and has offered to send HER money. Her responses back to "Richard" have been lengthy and intimate and absolutely heartbreaking.
I’ll attach pix and a sample email below. I’m sure his photo is stolen – at minimum, he’s wearing a Keller Williams shirt – isn’t that realty? He’s supposed to be a GC.
QUESTIONS/ADVICE:
1) I know I need to confront her and let her know it’s a scam. I don’t think anyone would take this without feeling devastated – any advice on how to broach her, especially what item(s) I should show her for proof? Otherwise she’ll never believe me and angrily throw me out and never speak to me again. My DH and her have “gone around” a couple of times about this, but I seem to have a solid “good cop” role, so I want to take advantage of being in good graces and help her. Should I involve him in the talk (he’s her only child, btw) – he does know about all this – but maybe it’ll help her save face and be less embarrassed if it’s just me?
2) Get this: IT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE!!! And a similar story, at that. Online date, guy was in Italy and wanted to see her but got stuck in customs and needed money. Wanted to marry her. She was still in hospital rehab (she was for about 3 months or so). I’m not sure she remembers *all* of this—but it’s making her extra defensive now. My DH and I didn’t know anything about this stuff, but at the time her brain hadn’t healed nearly as well as it has now. She wanted her iPad to check Facebook friends and her email – she was terribly lonely being there 24/7. I don’t even think she mentioned she signed up for an account then. When she mentioned this “magical romance” out of nowhere and that they talked daily, I was a bit dubious because she was hard to understand (still had left-side speech paralysis) and she said he was Italian and had a thick accent. How could that be true love? We doubted this was OK but decided to watch her emails and let the positive experiences help power her through her therapy – and it did, bigtime. I don't feel it was a good choice but it was hard to take that positive physical rehab progress spur away from her, you know? Once we saw that he was getting to the ask-for-money phase, we knew it wasn’t right and immediately went to her asking how the relationship was going - without admitting we knew the whole story, unless she wouldn't say anything. Fortunately, she confessed she knew it was a scam because he asked her for money but said she didn’t send him anything and wouldn’t ever do that. My DH has co-ownership on her acct and was able to confirm that. She got over it surprisingly well. **Note: I think because of last time she didn't even mention that she was online dating with someone until a couple of days ago.
3) I am certain this "Richard" is a scam but couldn’t find anything by name, so I checked her email to get the details of the email and his email address. I helped her set up her email so she knows we can log in whether she’s given it thought or not. She doesn’t know I’ve read through their “relationship”. I only logged in to get the details to prove it was a scam – knowing full well that I’d need proof to convince her because she is adamant it’s not a scam and that she’d know the difference. I’m wondering if there’s a way I can get around admitting I read the emails – I don’t want to add THAT fuel to the fire! This will be hard enough. Having her focus her anger on me as a redirect instead of talking about the problem is not good. Remember: We’ve discussed it several times, but she has NO sense that she’s lost any thinking or judging ability at all. Won’t even entertain the idea. Regarding the email, I also want to keep this access in the future to look out for any shenanigans because she can’t protect herself. ? I know for a fact that if I asked her if I could review dating emails periodically she would say no because she is fully capable of taking care of herself. But she's not.
DH is keeping an eye on her account for a big w/d because she doesn’t have much left after her bills are paid and she’s shown the aforementioned impulsivity. She has told us his name, kid’s name, sent me the photos and given me the backstory (LA, Italy contract). I think that’s it.
Thank you SO MUCH! This makes me want to protect others! I have no concept of how people can do this to others. None.
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ETA: Whoa, pix aren't as easy as I thought. If you think I still need to upload, I'll do so but it'll take a bit for me to get that together since I need to edit. I wanted to get this posted as quick as I could once I found out this site existed from a lead on Katie Couric's show.
-----------------------
Here is one of the emails from him: Notice how the email flows nicely but the 3rd sentence in has a custom sentence that has lousy grammar. Smoking gun if you ask me. Bold font is mine - no other changes.
First, thank you for taking the time to read and hopefully assist in our challenge. I thank the heavens for this site, and the wonderful community you've built.
Background: My M-I-L had a stroke @2 years ago. it left her paralyzed on 1 side of her body, but she regained some ability to move her left leg and is able to walk a little with a cane. She is single, alone except her cat, and on Medicaid. The biggest issue she has when it comes to online dating is that she is especially vulnerable, IMHO, because she sustained brain damage during her stroke that impaired her ability to judge a situation and she has become very impulsive. She is about to turn 61, but emotionally - since the stroke - I would compare her to a 14-15 year old, and she is very headstrong and opinionated.
Scam: I've read some of their emails. I have a sharp eye for grammar and have found inconsistencies. Some of his emails are flowering and perfect (scripts, I think) and some of the more "customized" content, tailored from their conversations, have very poor grammar. I mean, in one of the "scripts", the dude didn't even enter her NAME! It was something like, "Hello , It's great to hear from..." - sloppy much?? Also, he doesn’t use her name, just a general term of endearment, which I’ve read is not promising. I took some of the more perfect scripts and Googled them and they came up positive for a scam. I'll attach more info but I'm pretty sure we’re looking at a scam.
His name: Richard Thompson
Email: [email protected]
Background: The usual. He lives in LA, is a general contractor and won a bid to go build something in Italy. He's over there now. He's done well for himself and plans on retiring when he gets back. He has a daughter named Benedicta who is 9-10 yo. He has nice cars (Bentley, Camaro, Cadillac) and has sent photos of himself with one, as well as his daughter who is a beautiful blonde child in a white flowery dress in front of a pro background. THAT picture is a child model photo if I've ever seen one! I’ve gotten some hits with her name on some scams too, child about the same age. Dog that looks like the one on the dog food cans. Sigh.
Current: They email back and forth constantly, and have started talking on the phone daily as well. He can't wait to come meet her and is referring to her as his future wife and he wants to take care of her forever. When my husband (her son) presses her about it, she reels with defensiveness and refuses to even consider that it’s a scam because she’s “not stupid!” and cited the fact that he knows she doesn’t have money and has offered to send HER money. Her responses back to "Richard" have been lengthy and intimate and absolutely heartbreaking.
I’ll attach pix and a sample email below. I’m sure his photo is stolen – at minimum, he’s wearing a Keller Williams shirt – isn’t that realty? He’s supposed to be a GC.
QUESTIONS/ADVICE:
1) I know I need to confront her and let her know it’s a scam. I don’t think anyone would take this without feeling devastated – any advice on how to broach her, especially what item(s) I should show her for proof? Otherwise she’ll never believe me and angrily throw me out and never speak to me again. My DH and her have “gone around” a couple of times about this, but I seem to have a solid “good cop” role, so I want to take advantage of being in good graces and help her. Should I involve him in the talk (he’s her only child, btw) – he does know about all this – but maybe it’ll help her save face and be less embarrassed if it’s just me?
2) Get this: IT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE!!! And a similar story, at that. Online date, guy was in Italy and wanted to see her but got stuck in customs and needed money. Wanted to marry her. She was still in hospital rehab (she was for about 3 months or so). I’m not sure she remembers *all* of this—but it’s making her extra defensive now. My DH and I didn’t know anything about this stuff, but at the time her brain hadn’t healed nearly as well as it has now. She wanted her iPad to check Facebook friends and her email – she was terribly lonely being there 24/7. I don’t even think she mentioned she signed up for an account then. When she mentioned this “magical romance” out of nowhere and that they talked daily, I was a bit dubious because she was hard to understand (still had left-side speech paralysis) and she said he was Italian and had a thick accent. How could that be true love? We doubted this was OK but decided to watch her emails and let the positive experiences help power her through her therapy – and it did, bigtime. I don't feel it was a good choice but it was hard to take that positive physical rehab progress spur away from her, you know? Once we saw that he was getting to the ask-for-money phase, we knew it wasn’t right and immediately went to her asking how the relationship was going - without admitting we knew the whole story, unless she wouldn't say anything. Fortunately, she confessed she knew it was a scam because he asked her for money but said she didn’t send him anything and wouldn’t ever do that. My DH has co-ownership on her acct and was able to confirm that. She got over it surprisingly well. **Note: I think because of last time she didn't even mention that she was online dating with someone until a couple of days ago.
3) I am certain this "Richard" is a scam but couldn’t find anything by name, so I checked her email to get the details of the email and his email address. I helped her set up her email so she knows we can log in whether she’s given it thought or not. She doesn’t know I’ve read through their “relationship”. I only logged in to get the details to prove it was a scam – knowing full well that I’d need proof to convince her because she is adamant it’s not a scam and that she’d know the difference. I’m wondering if there’s a way I can get around admitting I read the emails – I don’t want to add THAT fuel to the fire! This will be hard enough. Having her focus her anger on me as a redirect instead of talking about the problem is not good. Remember: We’ve discussed it several times, but she has NO sense that she’s lost any thinking or judging ability at all. Won’t even entertain the idea. Regarding the email, I also want to keep this access in the future to look out for any shenanigans because she can’t protect herself. ? I know for a fact that if I asked her if I could review dating emails periodically she would say no because she is fully capable of taking care of herself. But she's not.
DH is keeping an eye on her account for a big w/d because she doesn’t have much left after her bills are paid and she’s shown the aforementioned impulsivity. She has told us his name, kid’s name, sent me the photos and given me the backstory (LA, Italy contract). I think that’s it. Thank you SO MUCH! This makes me want to protect others! I have no concept of how people can do this to others. None.
---------
ETA: Whoa, pix aren't as easy as I thought. If you think I still need to upload, I'll do so but it'll take a bit for me to get that together since I need to edit. I wanted to get this posted as quick as I could once I found out this site existed from a lead on Katie Couric's show.
-----------------------
Here is one of the emails from him: Notice how the email flows nicely but the 3rd sentence in has a custom sentence that has lousy grammar. Smoking gun if you ask me. Bold font is mine - no other changes.
Hello Honey,
I just can't get you out of my mind, I really want to be close to you because a lot has been running through my head lately. I'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words so you will have to bare with me through this.Well i tried calling you Ealier Today and no responce..please my love make sure you take good care of your self at the hospital please i really do care about you..
My Love You See I keep thinking about the future, about life, and what I want out of it. I keep thinking about us and what this relationship means to me. I keep thinking about these things and I realize they go hand in hand. This relationship is my future; it's what I want out of life. I want to grow old with you. I want to experience this crazy love forever and ever, and I really think I'm going to get to experience it. I want us to walk through new houses picking the one that would be just right for us. I want to see you walk around our house in a big t-shirt with your hair down and catch me staring at how gorgeous you are. I want you to pull the covers off me at night and then I have to get even closer, if it's possible, for you to keep warm. I want to see you laugh like crazy at me when I do stupid stuff. I want to rub lotion all over your body because you laid out in the sun too long. I want to hold you when you cry and smile with you when you smile. I want to fall asleep every night with you in my arms. I want you to fall asleep on my chest listening to the beat of my heart and know it beats for you, I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I see when I go to sleep. I want to see your rough morning hair; I know it will be so cute. I want to sit on the beach with you and watch the sun set, and I want evryone to see and envy the love that we obviously have for each other.
I want to see you walk down that isle and I want to take your hand for the rest of my life. I want to spend all night, and maybe the next day, making love to you with an undying passion (sorry to be so blunt). I want to be 70 years old and still make out with you like a little kid. I want to cook a meal with you and us totally ruin it and end up going out for dinner. I want to sit there talking to you for hours about nothing at all but in the same time everything or maybe we won't talk at all and just grin at each other realizing how lucky we are. I want you to get mad at me for doing something stupid, and I want you to bust out laughing when you try to yell at me. I want to lay with you in front of a fireplace and keep the heat going long after the fire goes out. I want to take trips with you to places we've never been and experience them together. I want us to go skinny-dipping in a hotel pool and get caught and streak back to our hotel room waking everyone up because we're laughing so hard. I want us to go and pick out the hot tub we want with the biggest grins on our faces the whole time. I want the sales rep to get embarrassed when we sit in them and make sure we have enough room to do the things we want to do. I want our friends to come over and get totally jealous because they don't share a love like we do.
Sweetheart i want to take your breath away every time (kiss you) or I say, "I love you" because you know it's coming from the heart. I want us to sit down with a box of strawberries, a bottle of chocolate syrup, and a mint chocolate ice cream; well, I'll let your imagination finish that one.. I want to love you and be with you for at least FOREVER or a little longer than forever. I couldn't really express in words what I'm feeling right now so I decided to share with you SOME of the images and thoughts that have been running through my head.
I just want you to know that I had never found someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with until I met you. I am really crazy about you, everything about you.
Hug and sweet kisses
Sincerely,
Richard
Last edited by Bryon Williams on Mon Jul 01, 2013 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Added quotations for clarity.
