HELP - don't want to believe I'm being scammed !

Hi. I met a guy a month ago on MatchAffinity.com. He is "allegedly" serving in Afghanistan, contract ending next Feb. Everything so far has checked out, we email, msn and text every day. I had doubts at the start so I've had photos and a copy of his military ID Card. He says he has two children, 18 and 16, and his wife died in a car accident 6 years ago. Born in England but hispanic descent.He really has won me over and assures me that he can't share some information due to security. He says he is in Gardez. I've not really had any reason to doubt him .... times/dates check out, etc. English and spelling/punctuation are a little off.Have not yet spoken to him on the phone.Earlier this week, I found his name on an old website warning of scams but entry was 5 years old. I asked him about it and he seemed genuinely upset and is convinced someone tried to use his ID. In the past week, he has sent me flowers and gifts, all ordered and paid for online.Unfortunately, I've just sent him a laptop and iphone which had to go via the US so that someone in the USAF could take them to him. Tonight I went back over our original emails and something seemed odd. I pasted one of his first paragraphs into Google and got lead straight to this website. Bailey29 posted on here last year about Dave Bruner. The phrasing is identical, and now I'm terrified this is a scam. I was widowed last year and this guy has really taken me in. Sitting here, I still don't want it to be true ...... but I think I've fallen for a scammer. I can't stop the parcel now. Do I play along with it for a while or just cut all communication ? Does he deserve a chance to explain ? Should I report my suspicions to MatchAffinity ? Any advice appreciated ! Mandi

I'm sorry that you have fallen into a scammer's trap. You are certainly not alone, this is unfortunately a very common ploy that scammers use today. At least you discovered the truth before losing even more.

Please check out this post for a detailed rundown on these "military" scams.

How did you ship the laptop? If it went via UPS or Fedex and has not yet been delivered, it can be intercepted and returned. Unfortunately US mail doesn't offer that option.

Meanwhile, shut off all communication with him. He is a criminal, you do not want to play along with it any further. Once he realizes he can't get anything from you he will move on. All he cares about is money, he won't waste his time if he doesn't have prospects of stealing some.

Thanks Samantha - I'm so angry. Feel gullible and stupid. Parcel went out Fedex but has been held up in Customs apparantley so I stand a chance of getting it back.

Once I've got it back, I'll sever all communications but I will report him to MatchAffinity.com even if it only saves one woman from this monster.

I also found a US site where you can report this type of fraud and they can track the name/email/photos.

Thanks again

Mandi

Be careful mandi66.

If the information that the laptop is held up at customs came from the scammer, then that's just s pre-cursor to him asking you to pay some imaginary customs fees. You have to adjust yourself to realising that anything he tells you is utter lies for the sole purpose of extorting money and valuables from you.

It is an old-fashioned UK word but the scammer is a 'ponse' - that is a man who makes his living by sponging off women. There's nothing wrong with you, and it's only because he can hide behind his anonymity that he get away with it.

Hi GomerPyle

I'm liaising directly with FedEx .... hopefully can get parcel back. Quite frankly, I'd rather see it destroyed and lose the money than have him get his hands on it !

I'm still debating what to do. Part of me wants to name and shame him and I really ought to warn MatchAffinity.com that he's a fraud. I've now discovered two different aliases going back over two years. Funninly enough, communication has tailed off now he thinks the parcel is on the way.

He's been so clever - I'm not normally gullible but have fallen for this hook, line and sinker.

Can't believe these people are so heartless - I'm a widow and he's played on that deliberately.

Mandi

Most men have more self-respect than to behave this way mandi66.

The greater shame is that it's pretty near impossible to expose the real identity of these people and let all their friends know what they do. The shame is on them that they have to sink so low to impersonate people they aren't fit to lick the boots of, and then try to use that to extort money from women.

These people are pitiful and pathetic, and to have fallen for their lies just means you're trusting. Whatever you may, or may not have lost, be under no illusion that he would have taken you for every penny you've got if he could have kept you under his spell.

Oh well - this is a first for me. I've joined MatchInfinity, even though the questionnaire near killed me as a female of course.

Let's see what scammer comes my way. Any scammer that goes through that process is certainly dedicated and committed. Though we normally recommend that you don't report scammers on sites like this because they'll only sign up again under a new name, I can see that it would be an inconvenience to him. However, scammers have plenty of time in the internet cafe at their disposal and are usually very persistent.

asked him about it and he seemed genuinely upset and is convinced someone tried to use his ID. In the past week, he has sent me flowers and gifts, all ordered and paid for online.

With someone else's credit card, no doubt. These scammers buy stolen/phished credit card information, and use those cards to further their scams. This is a very common tactic too--when the victim starts to get suspicious or the scammer thinks he may lose her, he will shower her with gifts and romance to make him look innocent and make her feel bad for doubting him.

As Gomer said, we don't generally recommend reporting free dating accounts if it is easy for them to sign up again under a new identity, because then there will be no information showing the new identity is a scam (but there are exceptions to this rule.) Most dating scammers of this kind move their victims off the dating site and onto chat/email as quickly as possible, because they know their profile will likely be deleted. Then, when the profile is reported and deleted, the scammer tells each of the victims that he deleted his profile because he "found the right one" and he simply continues with his scam by email. Whether you report or not, posting all of his information--including all names/email addresses used, any phone numbers given to you, and as many of his emails as possible--will help the greatest number of victims. The scammers may reuse the same script under a new name, attach several names to a single phone number, or even use the same name/email on multiple dating sites, so we never know which piece of information will lead the scammer here.

I also found a US site where you can report this type of fraud and they can track the name/email/photos.

I'm not sure what site you are referring to--but be careful with sites that promise to track your scammer for you. For every good site, there are probably 10 that are no better than the original scammer! Do not pay any site for this service--most likely they perform the same online searches we do (and they are free), and the truth is, nobody can track your scammer to a physical address. His IP is most likely going to trace to an internet cafe used by hundreds of people in a single day. If you post the extended headers from his emails, we can probably tell you what country he is in (if he isn't using a proxy). With this type of scammer, it is most likely western Africa or Malaysia.

Hi Dotti

Thanks for the post and extra information. When I've got a bit more time, and have calmed down, I will post all of his details on this Topic and on the Personl Accounts of Scams Topic board too. Since my last post, I have also found photos of him on www.soldiersperspective.us - on a Name & Shame Soldier Scam board using the name Steve McCabe. He'd even used a fake passport to con one victim - there's a photo on there.

I will report him to MatchAffinity.com because it's not one of the free ones - it's actually quite expensive to join and I want him to have the inconvenience of being removed. I do feel he is targetting widows (I think that's how he found me) so I'm going to change my status to Divorced ..... perhaps he needs harder targets ! God help him if I ever see him in the flesh !

He certainly isn't the only scammer there mandi66 and I hope to be able to join the others here who expose the details of those who are trying to scam money from women, though my better skill is to bring pain and anguish in to their lives.

Thank you GomerPyle !

mandi, u re not alone. as a 36 years old single, i am so vulnerable that i have fallen into this trap. Im so stupid that i even perform soft porn to them. Oh god, u cant imagine how its so embarrassing. i did it via web cam, you know that? i can't sleep lately, i even don't want to eat because i am always worrying that the scammers will blackmail me using my porn video. Im so scared that the record will go to my workplace, i work as a lecturer in a university. Im so afraid that I will lose my job once they found out about the video.
Oh god please help me. If they succeed, I'll have nothing more.

Im giving these email address so that hopefully others do not suffer like i do:

1. Brans Smiths <[email protected]>
2. Teddy Joe <[email protected]>

Welcome esugiha. I'm very sorry to hear that you've been the victim to scammers. Please don't consider yourself stupid for believing them, some of them are very convincing. We're glad to have you report the scammers here but require more than email addresses for posting on our forum. Please do start separate topics for the scammers and include their email addresses within the context of the scam emails they sent to you. Let any of the moderators or support team know if you need help with posting information or have questions about the scams.

Scammers are motivated by one thing alone - money, so they don't usually do anything unless it will secure cash for them. They're full of threats, whether it be the police, fbi or even violence but it's very likely, if not certain, that they won't carry out any threat. Carrying out the threat doesn't get them cash, though often they hope that threats will. Unless you've given them the information to enable them to know where to send the stuff, then they won't know how to use it, and letting them know that it would be hurtful/damaging to you would be unwise.

There will be no point in expecting the scammer to be open to reason. If you try to persuade him that he shouldn't use it you'll only be putting him on notice that it has a cash value and you could never trust him anyway. Scammers never stop making cash demands.

You're just going to have to keep your nerve on that aspect of the scam, and do nothing to put him on notice that it has a value.

Hi esugiha

I was so sad to read your post. I have similar worries - I was asked to "perform" to the webcam but I refused. I did, however, send a photo of me semi-nude. I'm terrified it's going to get onto the internet. I have a responsible, professional job and if this came out I'd probably be for the chop.

I think the other guys have hit the nail on the head though, these scumbags are just after money and nothing is too low for them to extort it out of innocent people - especially those who are vulnerable. These scammers are not fit to lick the boots of real soldiers.

Try not to let it get you down. My motto in life is "Park it. Learn from it. Move on" and that's what I'm trying to do. I felt really stupid and really wish I'd found this forum sooner. However, it's been of great comfort to me to know that other people have fallen for these scams.... sometimes it feels like it's just you !! Send me an email if you want to compare notes ! Mandi

Thanks a lot jillian, gomer and mandi
Until now, i still can't believe that i was (or almost) scammed.
i am glad to find this site that i feel there's somebody i can talk to, because of course i cannot talk to my friends and family for it's so embarrassing. The scammers don't get any money from me yet, but who can guess what they're thinking?

i still have worries. but, i try not to let it ruin my life. Lesson learned. And may god help me.
Mandi, i would like to compare notes with you and with this forum. May there not be anymore victims.